


The Philadelphia Story

by Dusty_Forgotten



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Movie Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 19:09:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5796400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dusty_Forgotten/pseuds/Dusty_Forgotten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If I'm Katharine Hepburn, you're still not Cary Grant."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Philadelphia Story

_“Shut up shut up, oh, Mike, keep talking, keep talking, would you?”_

_“What good is talk? Tracy, Tracy...”_

“It looks good onscreen,” the Lone Wanderer pipes up, “but if anyone kissed me like that, I’d punch them in the nuts.”

“What’s wrong with the kiss?” Butch assents, feet on the dashboard of the rusted-out Chryslus they’re seated in.

“He just grabs her, and bam! It’s oral assault.”

“She’s clearly into him.”

“She’s clearly _engaged_.” Erin retorts from the driver’s side.

Butch nods begrudgingly, and turns his attention back to the movie. Took them forever to get the old projector running, and half the reel was missing, but Erin’s seen it before. Her explanation put him to sleep, though.

Cary Grant punches Jimmy Stewart in the face.

“What’d he do that for? I thought they were friends.”

“They are. Tracy’s fiancé would have socked him if he didn’t.”

“‘Cause he slept with Tracy, right?”

The Wanderer shakes her head, but he eyes don’t stray from the screen. “No, they just kissed.”

“Yeah, close enough. Hey, who’s Cary Grant in this one?”

“Dexter Haven, he’s Tracy’s ex-husband.”

That poses more questions than it answers. “Why’s her ex-husband hanging around?”

“That question, I imagine, he’s been asking himself the entire movie.”

Butch snorts, and doesn’t pay much attention to what Katharine Hepburn and her fiancé are arguing about. The destroyed springs in his seat squeal as he shifts his weight.

He’s expecting Nosebleed to chew him out, but she’s more invested in the movie than he thought, because all she says is, “I wouldn’t mind being stuck between James Stewart and Cary Grant.”

“Hey, I wouldn’t mind bein’ Cary Grant.”

“In this movie, he's rich, married to Katharine Hepburn, and only adds to conversations in unwarranted snark? I’m two for three, Butch. _I’m_ Cary Grant.”

“You be Katharine!” Butch whines, and even to his own ears, it sounds childish.

Erin- watching the movie the whole while- pops a pinkie in her mouth, and then into his ear. He shrieks. Butch spends a few moments cowering with arms folded over his ears until he thinks the movie’s distracted her again, and regains his cool. Feigning a yawn, he even gets an arm around her shoulders.

Tracy relays her broken engagement to a room of wedding guests from the doorway, ex-husband feeding her the lines.

“Watch this...” Erin mumbles.

_“I’ve got an old wedding license, the one we didn’t use when we eloped. Whattaya say?”_

_“Dext? Dext, are you sure?”_

_“Not in the least, but I’ll risk it.”_

Out the corner of his eye, Butch catches little miss stone-cold killer smiling.

Katharine and Cary kiss violently, for a very short time, and the music swells as they walk down the aisle.

“Wait, so did she just marry her ex-husband?”

“Yep.”

“Why’d she do that!?”

“Because, Butch,” she says, cocking a brow at him, “prewar women were crazy.”

Seeing these old movies, he can definitely believe it. The credits flash by in slideshow, and Butch wonders how far he can take this yawning trick, and she catches him just past her clavicle. “You’re not Cary Grant.”

Affronted, he puffs and crosses his arms. Erin pulls at the rusted door handle, then shifts around, and kicks. It falls off, and she hops out, wicking rust dust from her jeans. “You know Butch, if I were Katharine Hepburn, you still wouldn’t be Cary Grant.” She collects her rifle from the backseat. “You’d be Spencer Tracy.”

The film runs out, and Erin holds the rifle strap over one shoulder, and begins walking off.

“Hey, wait up!” Butch shouts, jiggling the door handle before climbing over. “Spencer Tracy’s not even in this movie!”

**Author's Note:**

> Katharine Hepburn had a 26-year-long affair with costar, Spencer Tracy.


End file.
